08.01.07 7:51am

There’s this guy I work with, he’s nice enough and we get along fine, but the last two weeks he’s tried to engage me in conversations about politics and the war etc. He doesn’t know anything about these subjects. He’s completely checked out. Doesn’t watch the news or read the paper, doesn’t look on the internet, doesn’t stay informed. Which is fine, I guess. That’s who he is, who am I to judge? There are two problems I have this, the first problems like I said he doesn’t know anything. I like debating on these subjects and he knows that. I reckon he’s just trying to connect with me on some level. The second problem is he speaks very softly and he mumbles so every other word out my mouth is “what?” or “pardon?” it gets tiresome. I like the guy, but we have no common ground to hold a conversation on. Clearly he realizes this and is trying to find some common ground by talking about things he knows I’m interested in. I appreciate the gesture, but I just don’t have time for new friends. This week it’s been especially tough to remain civil. I can feel depression’s dark cloud creeping up on me. I’m starting to have little panic attacks when I’m near humans for too long. This guy seems to come and talk to me at the most inopportune times. When I am at the breaking point and want to stab or strangle someone, he’ll come up and say something vague and random (and usually wrong) about the situation in Iraq or health care reform etc. I have to bite my tongue and struggle not to tear him down. I do like the guy, but when I’m in this mode, everyone is a target.

I started work on another volume of poems today. I’ll spend a year on it like I did with No Apologies. I like having work to do; it keeps the specters of depression and loneliness at bay.

I’m listening to the iPod on shuffle this AM. King Crimson to Buzzcocks to Crass to the Clash to Fairweather to Rival Schools to Drowningman to Probot…

I’m reading Don Bajema’s, Boy in the Air. I’ve had the book for over a year now and haven’t found the time to crack it open. Better late than never I suppose.

12:36pm

Looking at my finical situation today I figure I’ll be out of debt about three months earlier than I thought. Originally, October 2008 was going to be the end of debt in my life. But looking at it now I think I can be debt-free by July 2008. I may be getting a raise in the next ninety days. Any extra money will help immensely. I’m looking at getting a new car, my truck is falling apart. I hate the thought of adding more debt, but I do need reliable transportation. Something more tour-worthy would be nice too.

08.02.07 7:28am

So Alex isn’t jamming with me and Josh anymore. There where no hard feelings, he just wasn’t into committing to the project full-time. I knew going in he may not want to join the band, so it’s no big deal. It leaves us in a very familiar spot: looking for a drummer. We jammed with Jeff (ex-Guns Down) a little bit last night, but I don’t think he was into the music. He was in hurry and had a previous commitment so that may have been the issue. I think it speaks volumes of Jeff that he came down to check it out even though he honestly didn’t have time. We’re going to jam with him again next week. Donny (ex-Carramrod) came down and jammed for a little bit too. He’s playing with Chris (NameMeNoone) on Wednesday nights. He seemed to be really into it and he latched on to the two songs we have pretty quickly. We’ll see how this all plays out. I just want to find someone who is into the music and wants to tour as much as possible.

I’ve been listening to Alabama Thunderpussy and Coliseum all morning. I’m really looking forward to the new Coliseum record.

08.05.07 3:14pm

Des and I took the dogs camping this weekend. It was a lot of fun. I needed to get away from TV, computers and all other technology for a few days. (I did cheat a bit and bring the iPod.) It was a nice break. It’s sad, everything I do with my dog these days I have to wonder if it will be the last time. She’s very old, somewhere near seventeen.

On the way home from the campground I saw a sight that warmed my heart: A Hum-V with a flat tire.

08.06.07 1:27pm

I’ve gotten a lot of work done on the new book today. So far the pieces I’ve written are far more personal and honest than anything I’ve done before. Not that anything I’ve written was dishonest, just more fiction than fact. The new pieces are very much about me and the people around me. It’s been a very cathartic journey so far. Tentatively this volume is titled No Regrets. I’m designing it as a companion piece to No Apologies. The title could change before the year is up, but the concept will remain intact.

John Lennon’s album, Acoustic is on this afternoon. I like the feel of this record. It makes Lennon seem very vulnerable and open.

08.07.07 7:31am

So I heard from Jeff (indirectly) that he’s not into the new band. That makes our decision regarding the vacant drum throne much easier. Donny is into it, so he’s our guy. I had a feeling Jeff wouldn’t be into it. Jeff never has been into the heavy stuff and even though the new tunes have a definite punk influence, they are heavy. It works out well for all involved. Jeff doesn’t have to play music he doesn’t enjoy and Josh, Donny and I get to play music we do enjoy. I’m looking forward to making music with Donny again. We had so much fun in Carramrod. Donny is good people. We’ll have our first real practice tomorrow. I can’t wait to play some shows. Josh and I still have to work out the vocal situation. I imagine we’ll just share vocal duties. We need to start thinking about names for this project. Next to finding the right line up, bands name are the hardest part of starting a new band.

Last night I wrote some stuff on guitar that I’m really happy with. I’m going to show it Donny and Josh tomorrow. It’s kind of tough being in two heavy bands. I have to pick and choose which riffs go to which band. I’m sure I’ll figure it out once Donny, Josh and I have jammed a few times and I can get the vibe of the new project. For the most part the new project is faster than NMNO so I’m sure I’ll figure it out before too long.

I’m listening to No Gods No Girlfriends, Battle Songs Demo this morning. I honestly feel Reno has, pound for pound, one the best music communities in the nation.

10:13am

We had an in-depth discussion about horror movies today at work. The general consensus is that there aren’t any really good new horror movies to speak of. It seems most movies trying to pass as horror now are just variations on the Saw theme. Some pretty people are kidnapped, forced to do something gross, they face the fact that they are shallow or vain or cruel, some escape, roll credits. There haven’t been any really frightening movie monsters in years. Where are the Michael Myers, Freddy Kruger’s or Jason Voorhees? The last horror flick I saw that was any good was Descent. Before that I can’t even remember anything even passable.

08.08.07 7:28am

We had NameMeNoone practice last night. I couldn’t pull it together or play worth a shit. We didn’t practice at all last week because Jackson was out of town. I didn’t play on my own at all because I was writing for the new band. Oh well next time will be better.

I have court tomorrow for my motorcycle speeding ticket. Lame.

Listening to She Wants Revenge this morning. They’re a fun band. They remind of some of Suicide’s more accessible stuff mixed with some early Depeche Mode or something.

10:50pm

Back from practice with the new band. Damn I had fun. The three of us click really well. I think this is going to turn out to be a great band.

08.10.07 8:02am

I practiced with the new band again last night. I haven’t had this much fun with a band since I can’t remember when. The music is heavy and fast, the members are fun to be around and really easy going. Starting this band couldn’t have come at a better time for me. I needed to have some damn fun doing something I love. We are thinking about calling the band The Numb Hand for silly reasons. We talked about maybe adding a front person to handle the vocal duties, but we may just keep it a three piece with Josh and me singing. I’m leaning towards having a singer so I can focus more on the guitar. We have some odd-ball time signatures and strumming patterns that I’m not sure I can pull off while singing.

I’m going camping this weekend with Tony (ex-twice) and his wife Devon for her birthday. Should be fun.

Listening to Prince’s Greatest Hits this morning.

08.11.07 3:39pm

I’m camping with some old friends from the Twice days. I used to have a lot of fun with these people. Now I think I may have out grown them. The trip revolves around Devon’s birthday. (Devon is the wife of ex-Twice guitarist Tony.) I love Tony and Devon and always have a good time with them. The rest of the campers are either people I used to know or people I’ve just met. In both cases I’m finding it impossible to relate to them. Sitting here in my tent, headphones on, reading Dostoyevsky and writing, I am socially awkward. Last night for the most part was just me Tony, Devon and one of Devon’s friends. I enjoyed that a lot. We had a nice conversation and quietly enjoyed the surroundings. Later on two guys I used to think where hilarious showed up. They haven’t changed in the twelve years I’ve known them. I no longer have anything in common with them. They are good people; I just can’t find much common ground to hold a conversation with them.

There are deer in the campsite next to ours. I got some good photos.

Listening to Queens of the Stoneage, Lullabies to Paralyze and trying to pretend I’m alone in the woods.

08.13.07 8:36am

I’m home from camping and back to work.

Des came up Saturday night and hung out with me for most of the evening. She had to work all weekend and couldn’t go on the trip. I was bummed that she couldn’t stay. She brought up a nice tuna steak and some seasoned potatoes for our dinner. We had a nice meal hung out by the fire and talked. It was the best part of the trip for me. I want to try to get at least one more camping trip in this season. I’m hoping to go for the three-day weekend in early September. I’d like it to be just Tony, Devon, Des and me.

Ryan comes home from tour this week. We’ll get the test pressing of Romance Novels & Ransom Notes soon. I am so excited about that.

Listening to Christiansen, Stylish Nihilists this morning. I’ve been in a mood to listen to some of the hardcore bands I haven’t heard in a while. Guilt, By the Grace of God, the Enkindles and so on. I really do like a lot of bands from the Louisville, KY area.

08.14.07 7:28am

Practice with the new band went well last night. The three of us seem to click really well. I think we decided to at least try to find a front person. The energy of these songs would greatly benefit from a singer who can thrash around and dance without being strapped to an instrument. Plus, it would give me and Josh more freedom to shred. (Ha ha not that I can shred, but hey it sounded good, yeah?)

A friend of Donny’s stopped by and sang a little bit last night. It was cool but I don’t think he was into it as a full time gig. There’s a girl Josh went to high school with that we’re going to ask. I think a female voice would sound really good over these songs. I’d really like to find some one who’s aggressive and articulate. I’m not into the screaming-your-head-off thing anymore. I want people to be able to understand the lyrics and hear the message behind the songs. One of the greatest moments of my life was the fifth or sixth Guns Down show when a bunch of kids sang along to a few of the songs. We didn’t have anything recorded yet, kids learned the lyrics at the shows. I’ve never felt anything so amazing while playing. It was huge.

I have the iPod on shuffle again this morning. Melvins to Channels to Roy Orbison to Bad Religion to In Flames to Nirvana…

08.15.07 8:32am

I just finished re-reading Shit Magnet, by Jim Goad and wrote a review of it for Sound & Fury Issue IV. Issue III is almost done. I’m just waiting for the cover art.

While camping this weekend I started re-reading Notes from the Underground by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read that book. It’s one of my favorites. The version I have is a Penguin Classics reissue with Notes… and The Double in one volume. The pages are dog-eared and yellowed with time and wear. Even though I know how the book ends, I can never put it down for too long. I want to learn Russian so I can read Notes… in its original un-translated form.

I jammed with NameMeNoone last night and had a really good time. I played well and my voice sounded better than it has in months. Tonight I play with Donny and Josh. We have some people in mind for the vocalist spot. I’m hoping we can solidify the line up and get to playing shows in the next month or two.

I’m listening to Pissed Jeans, Hope for Men this morning. So far this is my favorite record of 2007. Of course next week Akimbo, Black Cross and Coliseum all drop new records so there could be some tough competition for the number one spot.

08.16.07 7:20am

I lost my cell phone last night. It has to be either at the practice shed or at my friend Chris’s house. It’s funny though, not having it makes me feel better. I like being hard to find.

Donny, Josh and I had a short practice last night. The two songs we’ve finished are coming together really well. They have a lot of energy, similar to what Donny and I did with Carramrod but heavier. We’re sounding sort of like a cross between Give up the Ghost and Coliseum. We have chucks of a third song but nothing concrete. One of the options we had for a vocalist isn’t an option anymore. I’m sure we’ll find someone soon.

We named the band yesterday: Scaring Sparrows. I read the phrase in Notes from the Underground and it stuck with me all day “…I was simply scaring sparrows for my own amusement.” I’m sure we’ll have to explain it often, but I think it’s a good name.

I’m listening to the Cramps, Bad Music for Bad People and Hank III, Risin’ Outlaw this morning.

2:07pm

My mom called me today to tell me my nephew Aaron was run over by a car last night while skateboarding. His ankle is broken and in pretty bad shape and he’s got stitches in his chin, other than that he seems OK. He’d been drinking which bothers me a lot. That was the first time I’ve talked to Mom since early July when she pissed me off so bad.

08.17.07 10:31am

I designed a logo and set up a myspace page for Scaring Sparrows last night. We have a guy named Joe coming down to try out for vocals on Wednesday. I’ve known Joe since the Twice days and he and Donny grew up together so it should be very cool. Things seem to be falling into place. I’m hoping we can pull together a short set and open the El Cerdo/the_Network/Houses show I booked for September 5th at the Bat Cave. (You can see the flyer here.) We’re going to work at it. If we can rad, if not that’s OK too. I’m in no hurry. This band is going to be awesome, and we can wait to bring the awesome to the people.

I’m listening to Fall Silent, Drunken Violence this morning. No one I know agrees with me, but I think this is their best album.

08.20.07 7:54am

I finally got my cover-up finished. Zach did an amazing job. I’m so happy to have that tattoo gone. I didn’t even really care what it was covered with as long it was gone, but Darth Vader makes for a great tattoo not just a great cover up. No more crappy looking Nine Inch Nails tribal nonsense on my arm.

Des and I played hermit all weekend. We rented a bunch of movies and stayed in. Chris and Tom came over last night for dinner. Des needed to measure Tom for the Halloween costume she’s making him for New Orleans. Tom was kind enough to tune my drums up for me. He says I need new heads because the ones the kit came with were stretched too tight. I reckon that can wait until I can play them a little better.

I dissected my Les Paul last night trying to get it set up closer to my other guitars. The nut on the LP is too tall and I can’t get the action set as low as I like. It may be a bigger job than I can tackle alone. I couldn’t get the nut out of the neck. I can do the whole set up myself if I can get that piece out, but for the life of me I couldn’t get it out. I hate the thought of paying someone to do the job. I know how to do what I want done; I just can’t get that piece out. That is, unfortunately, step one.

I’ve been listening to the Afghan Whigs, Gentleman all morning. Easily one of my top ten albums of all time.

10:43pm

Back from Scaring Sparrows practice. Josh couldn’t make it tonight but Donny and I got a lot done. I am loving this band.

08.21.07 7:40am

I spoke with Rich at length last night. It seems none of us are really into NameMeNoone any more. We talked about recording the songs we’ve written since the last recording session, or maybe even re-recording everything and just calling it done. I honestly would rather focus on Scarring Sparrows. I finally have a band were all the members are on the same page and have similar goals. Guns Down came close. We had three out four on the same page.

Donny is getting his wisdom teeth pulled today. We’re supposed to try out a singer tomorrow. Donny says he’ll be able to jam, but I doubt it. That’s a pretty gnarly procedure. I reckon he’ll be down for a few days.

I’m listening to Coliseum, No Salvation, Akimbo, Navigating the Bronze and Dax Riggs, We sing only of Blood or Love this morning. This has to be one the greatest new release days all year. A new Black Cross CD came out today too, but I haven’t picked it up yet.

1:55pm

I can’t stop thinking about Scaring Sparrows. All day long I have riff ideas brewing in my head. I wish I could bring my guitar to work.

Tom Gordon recommended a place to take the Les Paul to get it set up the way I like. I trust Tom so I’ll take it to these guys.

I’m still listening to Coliseum, No Salvation. It’s a disturbingly good album.

08.23.07 7:30am

Joe came down to the sheds and hung for a bit last night. It was cool. He gave vocals a go and sounded pretty good. He’s coming back next week. Even though he just had his wisdom teeth pulled Donny came down too. He’s a monster. We’re sounding tighter every practice. I just need to step up the writing. We have two songs done and one more in the works. I’m excited about this band. Every time we practice I get more and more excited.

I dropped my Les Paul off at Big E’s Motor City Music (Tom’s recommendation) to have the nut worked on and the intonation set up to match my SG. Donny put it best, “Why not have the Cadillac of guitars?”

I’m listening to the Fantômas/Melvins Big Band Millennium Masterwork. I was at the show they recorded for this CD. What a great show.

10:27am

I just finished reading a book called Night of the Avenging Blowfish that David Howe recommended. It was pretty good. It’s a darkly comedic story of forbidden love, loneliness and amateur baseball. While I was reading it I kept thinking about my trip to Vancouver, BC. While I was there I was sort of an emotional wreck. I loved that city and the trip was an amazingly good time, but I felt a horrible, almost crippling loneliness that to this day I can’t understand. A lot of the passages in …Blowfish described exactly how I felt while I was in Canada.

I go to Carson tonight to get the tattoo on my elbow finished. I’m looking forward to hanging out with Moots, even if he will be drilling on my elbow the entire time.

08.24.07 9:59am

I got my elbow tattoo finished last night. I always like getting tattooed by Mark because we talk and bullshit most of the time. I ended up hanging out for about an hour after the tattoo was finished just chatting with him. Good times. We started on the cover-ups on my neck too. I have two kanji behind my ears that were done very poorly and Mark is going to cover them with some old-school movie monster heads (Lon Chaney/Boris Karloff style). We’re doing the Wolf-Man and Frankenstein. Should be fun.

They’ve made some changes at work. My immediate supervisor was transferred to a new job site and now I’m the number one guy on my site. It’s cool because it means a little more job security but it’s a little scary too. It’s a lot more responsibility.

6:54pm

I got my Les Paul back today. It plays great. I'm so glad I took it in to get re-intonated.

08.27.07 7:18am

Donny and I jammed for a long time on Friday night. We started at my house and made some real progress on the third tune. Around 9:30pm we decided to go to the shed and work at full volume. I’m very excited about the songs we’re working on. It’s taking longer than usual to finish a song, but it’s worth it. Donny and I want to re-work the first song we wrote. We had a drumming revelation while working on the third song and want to bring the first song up to par.

I’m listening to By the Grace of God, Three Steps to a Better Democracy this morning. I find I listen to music differently when I’m in a band I’m excited about. I really focus on how the music I’m listening to is put together.

12:20pm

I talked to Joe during my lunch break and he’s not into the music we’re playing. He wants to do something more old-school punk like Minor Threat or Black Flag. I guess now we have to decide if Josh and I are going to sing or if we’re going to find a singer. I don’t really want to sing, but it seems like it might just be easier. The fewer chefs in the kitchen the better or something like that.

I talked to Chris today about NameMeNoone. I guess we aren’t going to do it as a full time project anymore. Not really broken up but not practicing two days a week either. It works out. I’d rather focus on Scaring Sparrows.

Listening to Engineer, The Dregs this afternoon. They remind me a lot of Coalesce.

08.28.07 7:27am

We’re going to be cutting it close for the book release show. I’ll be getting the books September 13th, for the show on the 14th. I’m a little nervous.

Scaring Sparrows had sort of an unproductive practice last night. We got some stuff done, but we were all burnt out from work and school and other nonsense. We came up with a better practice schedule that should alleviate that problem in the future. Josh had school-work-school-practice every Monday and Wednesday. I could see that being a real drag after a while. I tired singing over the first song, it sounded OK, but I’d still rather have a front person. We came up with two new riffs that will eventually be the fourth song. Come to think of it, it was a pretty productive practice.

I started reading a book called The Devil’s Highway, by Luis Alberto Urrea yesterday. It’s the story of one of the largest and most tragic failed border crossings in documented U.S. history. In the unforgiving Arizona desert fourteen bodies were found, twelve people found alive and there may have as many as four unaccounted for. It’s a tough read. I always knew that terrible and inhumane things happened to people trying to cross the border illegally. I always knew a lot of humans died trying to get to the Promised Land here in America. But reading it and having all those stories of rape, murder, starvation, dehydration and worse confirmed can be overwhelming. In an early passage the author says the Border Patrol will sometimes just leave bodies where they found them so they don’t have to process the paperwork. “…uncollected – unreported - bones generate no case file.”

I’m listening to Some Girls, Heavens Pregnant Teens and Give up the Ghost, We’re down Till We’re Underground this morning. Good stuff. I like the dissonant, spooky sounding chords and progressions. That’s something I’d like to emulate.

10:21am

Des’s friend David got his orders and ships off to Kuwait for training in 48 hours. It’s better than Baghdad, but still very scary. I’ll be thinking of him everyday.

08.29.07 12:47pm

Kyle Oels is coming down tonight to try out for Scaring Sparrows. He’s a good guy and has some experience as a vocalist so it might work out. I wrote a bunch of new riffs last night to go with a bluesy riff Donny wrote. Once we get them all arranged we’ll have our fourth song. I’m hoping to be playing live by October.

I’ll be getting the posters for the book release show today. I’m really looking forward to that show.

1:48pm

I just finished reading The Devil’s Highway, by Luis Alberto Urrea. It was a tough read but I learned a lot. Parts of the book actually made me teary-eyed. I can’t begin to imagine the terror and pain those men went through. Fourteen human beings were cooked to death under the unforgiving Arizona summer sun. Their own country men saw them not as men but as dollar signs. Guides earn one-hundred dollars a head for each man to make to the check point alive. The men who facilitate the boarder crossings loan the walkers the money (in the neighborhood of $1500 to $1700, American) to pay for their services at 15% interest payable when the get to the U.S. and find work. The whole thing is just so vile and disturbing. The most disturbing part is at least one more death occurs on those same foot-paths in that same desert under that same unrelenting sun every fucking day.

Listening to Coalesce, Give Them Rope She Said, Version 2.0. Possibly the best re-mix/re-master in hardcore history.

08.30.07 8:44am

Kyle no showed us last night for his vocal try-out. I called him and he said he couldn’t get a ride. We’re going to try to get him down there next week I guess. The more I think about it more I think Josh and I should handle the vocals. Josh, Donny and I work so well together I’m afraid of fucking it up by adding a fourth person. I just don’t want to sacrifice the riffs for vocals. Some of the stuff we’re playing is just beyond my ability as a guitarist. It’s a constant challenge. I have to work hard to keep up and it feels good. I feel like I walk out of every practice a better guitarist than I walked in. A front person would allow me to continue playing these difficult riffs. I’m afraid I’d have to “dumb down” the riffs if I was singing too.

I’d still like to try and find a female vocalist. I really like the idea of a female voice over the harsh and dissonant music we’re writing.

I’m listening to Seemless, What Have We Become and reading Target Zero, by Eldridge Cleaver this morning.

7:12pm

I am so glad it rained today.

08.31.07 9:23am

My cell phone is officially dead. I’m hoping they can salvage the info from my SIM card so I don’t lose all my contacts. Not a great way to start a three day weekend.

I started putting up posters for my book release show yesterday. I’m trying to be optimistic and assuming the books will be here on time with no problems.

Listening to Season to Risk, The Shattering this morning.