01.01.07 1:18am SF, CA

Today is the first day of the New Year. I have never been happier to see a year end. 2006 was awful. Today would have been Chris’ 49th birthday. Happy Birthday Chris.

We had a great day. I found some great stuff at Amoeba. I finally got the Unsane, Amrep Christmas CD. It was released on Man’s Ruin which is not around anymore. I found some great
Siouxsie and the Banshees imports that I couldn’t find in Reno. Over all I was pretty conservative on my record spending this trip which is good because I didn’t really have the money to take this trip in the first place.

We go home later today. Time to crash.

5:35pm SF, CA & Reno, NV

This morning, walking home from the wharf area, we were engulfed in humans. There were people everywhere. For the most everyone seemed in good spirits and very well behaved. There were clusters of cops everywhere. Once we made it the financial district there were more cops than there were civilians. I sat outside a 7-11 while Des went in to get some late night (early morning?)supplies and watched a cop collect at least fourteen open containers and place them in a trash can. He didn’t dump them out, just closed them up and chucked them. Some homeless person will find a gold mine today. As we neared our hotel which was on Market near 8th st, there were no cops and the people on the street were loud, very drunk and some were a bit scary. One huge white guy was wandering around shirtless trying to fight some imaginary adversary. He was screaming into the night with his blubbery gut swinging to and fro. We saw a homeless black man with his pants around his thighs trying to cover himself with a blanket. I wanted to help him but he was growling at anyone who came near him, bare-assed on his hands and knees, growling. We got back to the room without incident and slept until around 10am.

We stopped in Berkley to have crepes at our favorite shop and found it was gone and replaced with a Thai food restaurant. We hit up a New York style bagel deli instead. As we were eating I watched a guy eat out of a garbage can in front of the deli. He was dressed in clean clothes; he was well groomed and was carrying a fashionable back pack and wearing expensive looking sunglasses. It was very odd. I wanted to catch him and ask him what the deal was, but by the time we ate he was long gone.

I did some more record shopping in Berkley and found some great things. Ryan had given me a list of things he was looking for and I found none of them. I did find one CD that was a solo effort from a member of one of the groups he was looking for. I called him up and he said get it so I did. With record stores all but gone in Reno we have to make use of our out of town trips to network and help each other out. I spent way too much money on this trip and will have to be very frugal for the rest of January and into February to make up for X-Mas and this trip. I really needed to get out of town. I feel 100% better than I did all last week.

Driving home Des and I listened to some of the CD’s we bought on this trip. From Berkley to Sacramento we heard the Stand by Me soundtrack among other things. Des has been looking for that soundtrack for awhile. It’s out of print now. Apparently the only way to get it new is with the special edition of the DVD and she already owns the DVD. All the way through Sacramento and the valley we listened to some of the Stax Story Box set I picked up. Soul is damn fine driving music. As the valley gave way to the mountains we heard Sonic Youth’s Dirty - Deluxe Edition, which I found used for a great price. That has to be one of my top 5 albums of the 90’s.

01.02.07 4:52pm

I have been playing drums all day. I’ve made some minor progress. It’s a damn tough instrument to learn. Chris comes back from Texas today, so I am going to hit him up for lessons. I haven’t left the house all day. I took today off from work to recover from the SF adventure and planned to do some stuff. I got some reading and writing done. I played a lot of drums and guitar. I wrote three or four new riffs that I hope will become NameMeNoone songs. All told it’s been a good day.

I’ve been watching the news off and on all day too. The execution of Saddam Hussein has been covered from every angle. It’s disgusting to me the way that was handled. It seemed more a lynching than an execution. The video footage that has been shown over and over is in poor taste. Was Hussein a tyrant? Yes. Should he have been removed from power? Yes. I just feel the whole thing could have been done in a more dignified and humane manner. I know he was never known for being humane and he was guilty of some mind boggling atrocities. The problem I am having with it is this: was it justice or revenge?

01.03.06 9:15am

Des had her cousins Amanda and Jeff (ex-Guns Down drummer) over for diner last night. I hit Jeff up for some more drumming tips. He taught me how to play a standard punk beat. I can’t do it very well yet but I know it now and I can practice.

I just realized I won’t have another holiday until June when Des and I take our yearly anniversary trip. I am going back to SF Jan 14th to see Neurosis and the Red Sparrows and I’m looking forward to that. But it’s just a day trip and I’ll spend most of the day driving there and back.

I am not the type to make New Years resolutions, but I do have it in my head to make this year better than last year. I have a ton of goals I intend to see through this year. I will be finishing the short story book and the poetry book. I’ll be releasing the NameMeNoone CD and recording the Only from the Cold CD. I need to get working on the noise project I’ll be doing with Fred from Santa Cruz and learn to play the drums well enough to be in a band as a drummer. Rich (NMNO bassist) and I have this idea to start a rock n roll band with me on drums and Rich on guitar. I’d also like to get some more traveling in. I didn’t do much traveling in 2006 and it bums me out.

8:58pm

I finally received a package I ordered from Tzadik Records in early December. It came all fucked up and torn open. One of the CD’s is fine but my copy of John Zorn’s Astronome is in bad shape. The CD it self is fine but the packaging is smashed up. Tzadik doesn’t cover shipping damage unless you pay extra for insurance, so I am stuck. They shipped the package in a plane manila envelope, no bubble wrap or anything. This will be the last time I order direct from them. The thing that really pisses me off is I saw Astronome at Amoeba Records in Berkley this weekend for less than I paid buying direct from the label.

I worked at Sound & Fury tonight. There were no customers. I am worried about the future of that store.

01.04.06 12:46pm

I rearranged the archive section of the web site last night. There is now a separate page for each month. It’s less crowded and easier to browse.

We are supposed to have Only from the Cold practice tonight, but I haven’t heard from anyone yet. We’re moving NMNO practice to Friday because Chris has to spend sometime with his girl for her b-day. He wanted to move OFTC as well, but it’s hard enough to get the five of us in the same room at the same time as it is without rescheduling.

8:20pm

No practice at all tonight. So I practiced drumming instead.

01.05.07 7:11am

I don’t know if I have ever been as happy to make it to work as I am today. After the rain and snow fall yesterday the roads by my house are thick with ice. I was going 10 to 15 MPH and the truck was still skidding. Coming around one big turn I lost control and started to skid towards a concrete retaining wall. I managed to pull it out and get back on the right side of the road just before a car coming toward me made it to the same hill. If I would have hit the wall there’s a good chance the other car would have hit me, there wasn’t enough time for him to stop on the icy road. Once I was on the freeway things got a little better and by the time I hit Sparks, everything was dry as a bone. That is way too much excitement for 6:30am.

There have been fairly regular lay-offs at work. Today is the end of a pay period, which means if they are going to lay anyone off this week, it’ll happen today. It’s been very stressful. We get paid every other Friday, so the Fridays we don’t get paid are the last day of the pay period for the next check. These are also lay-off days. Every week I make it through feels like one week closer to D-Day.

1:28pm

I am pulling double duty tonight with NMNO and OFTC. I don’t mind double duty nights. I never have much else going on so spending the night at band practice is an OK place to be. My only concern tonight is the weather. The drive to work was a tough one and by the time we get done with both band practices it’ll be nine or ten at night. I grew up driving in snow and ice but I worry about the other people on the road. Reno is infested with Southern Californians in giant SUV’s who think 4-wheel drive means you’re invincible. It seems the bigger the SUV the worse the driver. I wonder if Colorado has this problem too.

01.06.07 11:16am

Chris taught me a bunch of new stuff on the drums last night in between NMNO and OFTC. I hope I can remember it all. Practice for both bands went well. NMNO started a new song with some of the riffs I wrote while we were off, and OFTC is getting tighter. Cory (the new guitar player) has learned the five songs we had before he joined. They aren’t tight yet, but he’s a good player and he’ll get them down soon enough. Chris still wants to record in February, I don’t think we’ll be ready but I am more than willing to put the work in to get there.

01.08.07 8:26am

I’m sitting alone at work listening to The Birthday Party on my new Toshiba MP3 player. I’ve been waiting for this thing for months. I had money stashed away so I could buy it when it came out. It’s similar to the iPod video model, but the operating system is Windows Mobile. I know iPod is the standard but I don’t like the iTunes software, so I went with a different player. The Toshiba model uses Windows Media Player which I am a fan of. So far I am thrilled with it. It does the picture and video stuff (which I doubt I’ll use), has 60GB of memory and is about half the size of my old Creative Nomad player. Plus it has a built in FM tuner. I am giving the Nomad to Des. It’s 30GB, even if I leave the songs on it that she’ll like, it’ll take her years to fill it up with her music.

Everyone but me called in sick today. There are usually three of us on site, today I am alone. The flu is taking its toll this year. Des is sick too. One of Des’ clients is so sick with the flu that she is on doctor ordered bed rest. I hope I don’t get it this time. I am supposed to go see Neurosis and Red Sparrows with Ty, Van and Troy this weekend. I don’t want to miss that show.

11:30pm

I am loading my King Crimson and Talking Heads stuff into the new MP3 player. I figure those will be good listening on the drive to SF this Sunday.

I went over and hung out with Ryan tonight. It was cool. We just sat in his room and talked. We haven’t hung out in a long time. I miss that guy.

01.09.07 7:55am

Driving to work this morning I saw a funny thing. As I came over the crest of a small hill I saw a subdivision of houses in the distance, each one had steam coming from the vent on the roof that is connected to the furnace. It reminded me of the end of some post-apocalypse movie. That final wide shot of the cities burning as survivors drive down the road to last inhabitable area and the narrator says something that Hollywood considers meaningful. Maybe I need to get more sleep at night.

Ryan and I talked about publishing these journals last night. He didn’t seem to think it was a good idea. I tend to agree. I may do it anyway, in a very limited release, like less than 50 copies. Ryan suggested just printing them and giving them as gifts. I might go that route. I’d like to use the print version as an archive of the web journals and then take down the archive section from the site.

I haven’t had much time for drums this week. I’ll play a little while tomorrow before NameMeNoone practice.

01.10.07 7:02am

I got up really early today. I had time to stop for coffee (well a chai latte w/soy anyway) and I still got to work five minutes early. I am going to sit here in my chair, drink my chai and watch the sunrise. Not a bad morning if you ask me.

I left my flash drive in the computer at work last night. I was fearful that I had lost it. I worried about it all night last night. There is so much writing on the thing. I have it all backed up at home (other than anything I write at work during the day) but the thought of someone else having my books and everything else I’ve written is scary.

I loaded even more stuff into the new MP3 player last night. I loaded all the Birthday Party stuff and some other random Nick Cave stuff too. I also added some more of my John Zorn stuff and last but not least, The Best of Blondie. I think I am going to put my entire CD collection on to my external hard-drive, that way I can just drag and drop stuff on to or off of the MP3 player without having to search for the CD itself. I probably have ¼ of my collection on there as it is. And if some catastrophic happened to my CD collection (like a pilfering roommate) I’d still have the music. Technology is a wonderfully odd bird.

NameMeNoone practiced last night. I am uncertain about the future of that project. I’m sure it will continue to exist in one form or another. I have been at this band thing long enough to know when a line-up change is coming and I have a feeling NMNO is heading that direction. I predicted all of the Twice line-up shifts and I knew Pat was going to quit Guns Down before he did it. Last night we worked on a new song that we started last time we got together but it seemed like one member in particular wasn’t really into it at all. Time will tell I suppose.

I am really looking forward to the San Francisco trip this Sunday. I have a short list of things I forgot to look for last time I was there record shopping and I can’t wait to see Neurosis again.

11:03am

I think that rotten flu bug has me in its clutches. I feel run down and all together crap-tacular. I have to fight this off so I don’t miss my Sunday in SF. I have a tattoo appointment on Saturday as well. Those never go well when I am ill.
12:25pm

Ryan just called to let me know a fellow I’ve known since High School passed away last night from an overdose. We weren’t friends by any stretch of the imagination, but I knew him. Apparently he and another guy who I only know by reputation were both in the danger zone. The other guy pulled through. It’s very sad. He was well known and liked in Reno. I wish people would stop using drugs; there is no happy ending there.

I have Sound & Fury tonight. I am considering bailing on it so I can get some extra sleep and hopefully beat this bug.

01.11.07 8:22am

I called in sick to Sound & Fury last night, went home and got some good sleep. I feel 100% better today.

It’s snowing and I am at work. The drive here this morning was pretty mild. I saw two accidents and the closer I got to work the worse the roads were. I hope it doesn’t get too bad today, I don’t have my chains with me and my truck isn’t the best winter vehicle.

9:49pm

We had NMNO practice tonight. It went much better than earlier this week. I think I worry too much about stupid things.

01.12.07 9:07am

I finally got smart and backed-up the past weeks worth of writing last night. Earlier this week I left my flash drive at work and last night I lost it in the house for about 2 hours. As soon as I found it I dumped everything on to the external hard drive. It would suck to lose a week’s worth of work. It’s funny because when I was saving everything to an SD card (which is about ¼ of the size of the flash drive) I never misplaced it. But now with the flash drive every time I turn around I can’t find the fucker.

1:51pm

It’s an incredibly cold day today. The high was 22. It’s been a very boring day at work. Bob called in sick so I have been running the show today, but nothing is happening. The most exciting thing to happen so far was an inspection on a house.

We have Only from the Cold practice tonight. I guess they wrote a new song last Saturday when I missed practice. Cory told Chris he doesn’t feel comfortable with trying to record in February. I’m glad. I don’t think we’d have been ready yet. I hate the studio enough without going in unprepared.

Writing and drum practice are both slow going this week. I can’t seem to get motivated to do anything.

01.13.07 10:40pm

I had a good day today. I got up sort of late after staying out very late last night. Last night I went to a friends show at Club Underground. I didn’t get to see the band play that I waited for but I did see three others. There was a band from Texas called Stringer that I enjoyed. They were sort of Clutch meets Breather Resist. I dug them. They had just finished recording right before they left for tour and didn’t have any demos or anything like that, but I got a t-shirt and their contact info so when the CD comes out I can get it. Matt “Tiny” Lowe was at the show. I talked to him for a long while. He is one of those people that I am always happy to see. One of the other bands I caught was called The Chelsea Smiles. I bought an EP of theirs all long time ago on a whim and really liked it. After last night I may have changed my mind. They were so fake and “LA” about the whole thing I almost immediately hated them. It’s too bad to cause the tunes were pretty good. Anyway after waking up late I played drums for awhile and then Des and I went to Carson for my tattoo appointment. I had no idea what I was getting inked on me. I let Mark have full reign over this tattoo. I couldn’t have been happier about what he came up with. It’s a traditional serpent wrapped around an apple with a bite taken out of it. I think Mark knows me pretty well. We got most of the tattoo done today, but my elbow was so swollen that Mark wanted to stop and finish it another day. I trust his judgment so we stopped. So I got to hang out with Mark, who is one my favorite people, and Des all day. Plus I got a great new tattoo. That is a good day.

Only from the Cold wrote a new song last night that I am in love with. It has its metal parts to be sure, but it also has a great southern rock vibe. I am going to try to sing over it (rather than scream). It should be interesting to see how that one comes out.

01.15.07 2:01pm

I called into to work today. We didn’t get back to Reno until after 7:00am. The trip and show were amazing. My stomach hurts from laughing so much with Troy and Jules. Jules is so damn funny it kills me. I need to spend more time with that guy.

We left Reno a little before 9:00am yesterday and spent the day in Berkley record shopping. I picked up several things I either forgot about or left behind when Des and I were there for New Years weekend. I wrote a list this time and picked up everything on it except one CD that I couldn’t find and I only bought one thing that wasn’t on the list. I found a few items used so I didn’t end up spending much money on CD’s. Mark wanted me to get him a Red Sparrows shirt at the show so I had to make sure I had money left over for the merch table. After we’d had our fill of Berkley we drove to SF to meet up with Troy’s sister and eat at this great Vegan restaurant called Herbivore (www.herbivore-restaurant.com). The food was great. We hung out and got to know Troy’s sister a little bit and then tried to find a place to park and get to the show. We ended up parking a few blocks away from the venue and walking the rest of the way. We missed all but two songs of the opening band, The Grails, which bummed me out a little bit. The two songs I heard were great and I would have liked to hear their whole set. Red Sparrows were up next. They played a short set but were very good. Neurosis took the stage and owned. There were some technical difficulties with one of the guitar rigs in the first two songs but they worked it out and just destroyed. The show started at 9:00pm and we got out of the venue a few minutes before 1:00am. We had to go pick up two of the girls who drove down with us but went to a different show. We ate some late night breakfast food, Troy loaded up on coffee and we hit the road. Troy seemed determined to drive the whole way despite offers from most of us to take over. At Gold Run he had to stop and take a power nap but still didn’t want to give up the driver’s seat. We got home just after 7:00 this morning and I called in sick to work. Seeing as I start work at 7:00am it seemed like the thing to do. I got about six hours sleep and I feel OK. I am going to play drums a little later.

At one point early this morning driving over the hill Jules asked me if I was glad I took a road trip a van full of twenty-something’s. I said “yep.” The only thing I’d change if I could go back in time is I wouldn’t have gotten my elbow and ditch tattooed the day before.

01.16.07 2:14pm

I am sitting at work listening to a live Fugazi bootleg I found on the internet. It’s pretty good, but I think they listed the tracks in the wrong order. I’m making notes and will fix the MP3 files later. I know, NERD.

I spoke to Roy from Seattle today. It’s been a few months since I had any contact with him. I’m glad I decided to call him. He’s really a good guy. Years ago he was in band with Jules and I think my time spent with Jules this weekend is what prompted me to call him.

I’ve got NMNO practice tonight. I look forward to those practices. That project is one of my favorite things I’ve been involved with musically. Now that I am down to two bands, NMNO has become even more important to me. I like the direction we are heading but I still am not happy with my vocals. I think I need to work on actually singing and let the screaming take on more of an accent role in the songs.

Only from the Cold was asked to play a show February 16th, I think we should. It’s a month away and as long as we don’t miss any practices between now and then we’ll be tight.

01.17.07 7:44am

NMNO practice went well last night. We hit some of the songs from the CD and worked out endings for the two new tunes. I am really happy with those two new songs. Jackson is going to handle the vocals on one of them and I am going to attempt to actually sing on the other. If I can pull it off this will be a major break through for me. So far I haven’t been able to do anything but scream and play guitar at the same time. Since I started playing drums I have found it easier to multi-task. Who knew playing drums would make me a better guitar player?

I found a Lords live bootleg online last night that I am anxious to hear. I forgot to load it into the MP3 player so I’ll have to wait until I get home. I have a Sound & Fury shift tonight. That should give me some time to work on a new short story I started yesterday.

3:12pm

I spent the better part of my day over at job site I inherited because the superintendent responsible for the job quit. For one reason or another I always seem to end up fixing someone else’s mess around this joint. And it’s always the same story “Everything is on track. All you need to do is baby-sit until the homes are done.” Of course, everything isn’t on track and I have to scramble to get things done before the homes sell. And that is how I spent today, finishing a job for someone who couldn’t. Lucky me.

10:18pm

After Sound & Fury I went to visit Ryan at work. I gave him an extra copy of Sonic Youth, Dirty I had. I miss that guy. We can never seem to find time to hang out together.

01.18.07 9:04am

I dug up some more live bootlegs on the net last night. I found a great sounding Low set and a Shellac set that I am anxious to hear. I listened to most of the Low set while Shellac was downloading, it’s very good quality. I came across a Fugazi site that had some interesting looking bootlegs. There’s a BBC session and a twenty four song set from Ft. Reno in DC. I wasn’t able to download them for some reason. I am going to try again tonight.

I’m pulling double duty tonight with NMNO and OFTC. I’m looking forward to the OFTC show in February. I have a good time playing those songs, I’m not really serious about that band, but it is a fun project.

01.19.07 9:23am

Practice with both bands went well last night. I’m getting a lot more comfortable playing and singing with NMNO. We are sounding really good these days. Only from the Cold was one man down last night. It was awkward trying to remember how the songs went with only one guitar. We did an OK job. Tonight we practice with everyone that should be good. I am looking forward to our first show.

I found out last night that Windows Media Player accesses a database automatically when I am online. It’s supposed to keep your media library updated. The downfall is if the online library is incomplete it adds random and inaccurate information to the library on my computer. The end result of this was there were songs on my MP3 player (which syncs to Windows Media Player) which were mislabeled. I fixed them all last night and turned off the automatic update option. Over all about thirty albums were affected. I get really geeky about my music.

I wasn’t able to download those Fugazi bootlegs I found. I suspect that site is no longer functioning. I did find two amazing Slint bootlegs from the late 80’s on a different site. I downloaded one of them and I’ll get the other one tonight.

12:52 pm

While eating lunch today I over heard a conversation between two people in their late forties. They were quoting Bob Seger lyrics back and fourth to each other and discussing his lyrical and song writing skills. As the conversation continued it became clear that they were in the process of “hooking up”. Just before I tuned them out the guy sang a lyric from some soft rock hit and the woman replied “Oh my god that’s my My Space quote.” That says a lot about where we are as a country.

01.22.07 7:32am

Where did this month go? I can’t believe January is coming to an end already. I managed to do absolutely nothing this weekend. I’m a little upset with myself. I wasted two whole days. Saturday all I did was play drums and Sunday Des and I sat and watched movies all day. We did make a batch of vegan peanut butter cookies so that was at least something. I got no writing done. I didn’t play my guitar at all. What a waste.

Last night at the grocery store Des and I saw Steve Youth of 7 Seconds. I didn’t talk to him other than a quick hello. I didn’t really want to bug him while he was buying food for his family.

One of my co-workers is a foster parent. He and is wife take in kids who’s families are in legal trouble. It’s usually drug abuse or child abuse cases. Last week a brother and sister where placed with them, 1 ½ years and 3 years respectively. Both children had black eyes and bruises. The boy had cigarette burn scars and the girl showed evidence of sexually molestation. Stories like this make me ill. I commend him and his wife for taking these kids in and at least giving them a glimpse of a normal life. I hope the birth parents spend the rest of their lives in prison. How could you do that to a child?

1:56pm

I’ve decided not to publish these journals. It seems a waste of effort since they are all available here on the web site. I have a plan to take a major road trip on the bike soon and I will chronicle that in a separate journal to be published. It just seems I don’t know...pushy maybe, or pretentious I guess, to publish something people have free access to on the internet.

01.23.07 10:11am

Des had another dinner party last night. This one was smaller. Her mom, David & Chris were the only guests. I really like spending time with David. I’ve known that guy going on fifteen years now. He’s good people.

I have been working on lyrics to a new NMNO song. They are coming along nicely so far. I have a few ideas running around my head for an instrumental song too. We practice tonight so I’m going to give the new lyrics a shot.

8:12pm

No practice tonight, I guess we are going to hit it tomorrow after I get done at Sound & Fury.

01.24.07 7:45am

Last night sucked. I was tired all day yesterday. When I went home after work I sat down on the couch to watch a DVD I just picked up and I fell asleep before the opening credits rolled. I went to bed fairly early and woke up at 4:00am. I had tossed the covers off of myself and was freezing. I tried to go back to sleep and ended up sleeping in until 6:20am, I need to leave my house by 6:30am to get to work on time. I feel like I’m not keeping myself busy enough and the depression is taking hold again. I am beginning to wonder if I should talk to a professional about my depression. It comes and goes. When I am busy I don’t feel it. When I am not busy it ruins me and makes it much more difficult to get busy again. That’s where I’m at right now. I just can’t get motivated to do anything. I haven’t hit my writing goal of 3000 words a day for weeks, I don’t pick up my guitar unless I am going to practice and I haven’t even been practicing drums as consistently. I was doing and hour or two a day. I have done maybe an hour this entire week. I hate feeling this way. I am afraid to seek professional help because it seems they don’t want to help, they want to medicate. Drugs are not an option for me. I’d rather work it out on my own than be put on some prescription narcotic.

I have a marathon ahead of me today. First work all day, Sound & Fury after work and then NameMeNoone is practicing tonight. I had to try really hard this morning to remember everything I needed to bring today. I tend to forget the key to the record store, and if I remember to bring the key I forget everything else. Today I did good and remembered everything I need. It’s not much, but it’s a start.

1:32pm

Something is wrong with me today. I can’t focus on anything. I feel like I might be getting sick, but I don’t feel sick. I’m just in a haze. I didn’t sleep well last night so I’m sure that’s contributing to the way I feel now. I thought eating would help so I had sort of a big lunch. Now instead of feeling lost I feel bloated and lost. Awesome.

01.25.07 7:20am

I woke up at 4:00am again. I got maybe 4 hours of actual sleep last night. For me insomnia and depression go hand in hand. I thought I’d sleep well last night. I was running all day yesterday and I was exhausted when I got home. It didn’t work out that way. Maybe I can sleep tonight.

Ryan is trying to set up a talking show for us in the Bay Area for Presidents Day weekend. If it happens it will be my first out of town talking show. I am nervous and thankful. Preparing for a talking show will give me something to focus on and hopefully knock me out of this funk.

NameMeNoone practice was good last night. We tightened up the two new songs and started a third. That band is a funny thing. When we are all on, it sounds like everything I’ve ever wanted from a band. When one or more of us is off it’s a fucking train-wreck. Last night we were all on and it was good. We go again tonight, I’m going to try and sing one of the new songs.

This morning while getting ready for work I was looking at a picture of Chris and Des from our wedding. It’s been six months since he died and I think about him everyday. Today I have been thinking about him teaching me to weld. I wasn’t very good at it. I almost lit myself on fire. It’s amazing to me how many things he was good at. He was an electrician, welder, auto mechanic and about a hundred other things. He had the ability to understand how things worked just by playing with them for a minute. I think I am going to take a welding class and finish what I started with Chris.

3:24pm

Chris (the drummer for both my bands) is sick today so what is normally my two practice night is a no practice night. I am going to make an effort to finalize the lyrics to the new NMNO song on my own so when we get together next it’ll be ready. I should practice drums a little bit too. It’s getting really hard to stay motivated. Hopefully this Bay area talking show will happen and I can bury myself in work getting ready for that. I wish my book was out. I hate the idea of doing an out of town show with nothing to leave behind other than memories.

01.26.07 9:16am

Last night I finished the DVD I tried to watch Wednesday, turns out my time was better spent sleeping on the couch.

I woke up at 5:00am today. Of course I didn’t get to bed until almost midnight. The insomnia isn’t too bad this time. I am getting at least four to five hours of sleep a night. If I could get that all in one solid chunk instead of waking up every two hours it’d be great. In the past when I’ve had this problem I was lucky to get one hour of solid sleep a night.

I decided to start preparing for the talking show in the Bay Area. There’s nothing confirmed yet but it gives me something to focus on. The worst thing that could happen is I have a set ready for a show that doesn’t happen.

I get tattooed today after work. It’s the first session on a cover-up, I‘m covering my first tattoo. It’s an ugly reminder of how dumb I was when I was in my late teens/early twenties. I’ll be glad to have it gone, or at least hidden.

10:59pm

I’m finally done with the first of four sessions to cover up my first tattoo. It’s a strange process. Tonight we did all the line work and then Zach put down almost like a primer coat. He covered the black areas with a thick white ink that should after a few more applications hide the old tattoo parts under the highlights of the new tattoo. The other areas are going to be black anyway so they didn’t need the white treatment. I am getting Darth Vader’s head over a crappy tribal piece, by the way. So you can imagine how much black there will be.
01.28.07 12:16pm

Yesterday was a bad day. I woke up with a headache and as the morning progressed I found I had the stomach flu. I couldn’t even keep water down. In the late afternoon I was finally able to eat some soup and crackers and drink some Gatorade. But it was not a fun Saturday. Des and I wanted to go see the Andy Warhol exhibit at the Nevada Museum of Art. I think we’ll go today. I am feeling much better.

01.29.07 7:22am

Des and I went to the Nevada Museum of Art yesterday. They are showing an Andy Warhol silk-screen exhibition right now. I really learned a lot about him. He was an interesting character. He so desperately wanted to fit in with the elite and when he did, when they flocked to The Factory, he still felt like an observer. In a way I can relate to that feeling to a small degree. I have always felt I was on the outside looking in, but I’ve never wanted to be anywhere else. I like seeing the world from the observer’s point of view. I think if I where part of the “in-crowd” I’d lose a lot of the perspective that helps me write the way I do.

While we were at the museum we looked at all the other exhibits they had on display. There is a Latin art exhibit on the third floor that really struck me. The artwork is so passionate and real. It awoke something inside me and I want to start painting again. When I get home from work tonight I am going to set up my painting stuff. It’s all been sitting in a closet collecting dust since my father in-law passed away. It’s time to get back to it.

Zach and I were talking while he was working on my cover-up piece. He seemed to be encouraging me to try my hand at tattooing. I had never thought about it before because I don’t think I can draw very well but he seemed to think I could do it. I doubt I’ll pursue anything along those lines, but it was interesting to hear what Zach had to say.

I have been sleeping better the last few days. I imagine its due in part to being sick all day Saturday. But I’ll take what I can get. I am forcing myself to stay busy. I’ve been working on another new song for NameMeNoone, and preparing for the talking show I hope happens in the Bay area. I even played drums quite a bit this weekend. Keeping busy helps alleviate the depression and that in turn helps me sleep.

01.30.07 7:33am

I made an effort to play my guitar at home for at least an hour the last two nights. I’m trying to work out a new riff I’d like to use for a NMNO song. So far I have a good beginning and not much else. I need to get back to a regular practice routine. I’m slipping on the fundamentals. I use to sit and run fingering exercises and scales for hours. Lately all I do is play songs. I should be doing both.

I still feel sick. I don’t think I’ve fully recovered from Saturday. I am wondering if it’s an allergy issue, or maybe a diet issue. I think I eat fairly healthy most of the time. I haven’t been sticking to my doctor approved diet to the letter, but pretty damn close. I can’t give up coffee. I have one cup in a day period, and some days I don’t have any. This doesn’t feel like that kind of stomach problem this feels like the flu. I get paranoid any time I get sick now just because of how uncomfortable my stomach made me before I knew what was wrong.

3:16pm

No practice tonight, which pretty much blows. Oh well, I guess I’ll have to work on some stuff on my own. I’ve been sleeping better the past few nights, which has helped me focus on things a lot better during the day.

01.31.07 7:39am

I saw two serious car accidents on my fifteen-minute drive home from work last night and a fender bender on the way in this morning. I read a story in the paper last week about a guy who hit a motorcycle cop with his car. His excuse was “I wasn’t paying attention.” That phrase should be added to the American flag. We should embroider it in gold three stripes tall, the full length of the flag. It’s the new American motto. There are so many things to distract humans from their in-car duties. I can’t count how many times I’ve seen a near miss as someone blindly changes lanes while chit-chatting on their cell/camera/MP3 player/satellite transmission receiver/phone while simultaneously watching the Friends Complete Season Three on the in-car DVD system, playing solitaire on their iPod, checking their in-dash GPS for directions to the nearest Starbucks and choking down a fast food value-meal all while doing 80 MPH down the freeway.

6:45pm

Sitting at Sound & Fury. It’s been slow as usual. I saw another serious car accident on the way here. It was only a few blocks away from the biggest one I saw last night. Why can’t people drive?