07.01.07 12:21am
This is my entry for 06.30.07, I just got home.
I spent most of my day today at Joe & Mary’s wedding. I had fun and saw a lot of people I haven’t seen in a while. Raj was there and I talked to him quite a bit. I really like that guy, talk about your good people. I took well over a hundred photos and am going to give Joe and Mary a CD of them as a wedding gift. I always feel awkward and very out of place at those kinds of gatherings. It was nice of Joe to invite me, and I was glad to be there but I felt like the nerdy kid at prom that brought his cousin from another school as a date.
The rest of the day and into the night I spent with my family celebrating my father and nephews birthdays. I feel awkward at those kinds of gatherings too. We started talking about things my siblings did to me when I was young. That didn’t help me feel any less awkward. I got really pissed off at my mom. She seemed offended that I was upset by the torture my older brother put me through when I was young. He did some awful things to me that I guess she learned about tonight. But she seemed to blame me for not getting away from him. That’s sort of how it works in my family; the more of a fuck-up you are, the more my mother defends you. Good ol’ American dysfunction. And they wonder why I don’t call very often.
For the rest of the night I rode around on my motorcycle and tried to clear my head. I got a speeding ticket earlier today on my way to the birthday party from the wedding. It sucks but it’s my own fault. Say goodbye to $130.
07.02.07 7:31am
Ryan and I had a conversation at the wedding Saturday that has been sticking to my ribs. My Flag is on Fire were playing the wedding reception and Ryan made a joke that they “weren’t December” (who played my wedding reception four years ago). I commented that where I was now I was more excited about a band like My Flag is on Fire then a band like December. Four years ago, that wouldn’t have been the case.
Four years ago all I really listened to was metal and hardcore. I liked other things, but I turned to the heavy stuff more often than not. Now I find myself turning to much mellower stuff. I don’t even remember the last metal album I bought and really enjoyed (It was most likely Mastodon’s brilliant Blood Mountain). I still like the tried and true metal bands that are in my collection, I just don’t care about any new stuff. I rather hear a new Spoon album than a new Slayer. A lot can change in four years I guess.
I do still turn to bands like At the Gates, Napalm Death, In Flames, Mastodon or older Slayer. I don’t think I could name three metal albums that came out in the last year. (Unless like some of the less intelligent critics you consider Queens of the Stone Age a metal band.) I think a big part of the problem, for me anyway, is metal is stagnating. I haven’t heard anything new or exciting in so long that I’ve lost interest in the genre.
I’ve heard the newest Kill Switch Engage and Unearth records and they are so mediocre and indistinguishable from past releases from those same bands that I wonder why you’d need more than one album from them. I think the last metal CD I was at all excited about (besides Mastodon and really they’re in a grey area somewhere between metal and rock) was the last Lamb of God, and I haven’t even listened to that since Tony and Devon’s wedding back in September.
Maybe I’m mellowing as I get older, maybe. But I think if something new or exciting happened in metal, I’d tune back in. (I do love the new Neurosis album Given to the Rising but they’re in kind of a grey area between metal and something entirely different.)
I’m listening to the re-master of Can’s Future Days this morning. I couldn’t get further away from metal than that.
07.03.07 8:16am
Yesterday seemed like it was two days. Work dragged on endlessly, and once I was home I couldn’t get motivated to do anything. I’m really hung up on what happened with my mom this weekend. I joke about my family’s dysfunction but I’m sure it’s at the root of my depression. I stayed up all night thinking about it. I’m feeling really down today.
I’m off work tomorrow for the 4th of July holiday. I’ll be doing my best to avoid any family contact.
I’ve been listening to Bad Religion all morning.
07.06.07 8:27am
I got the book back from the proof-readers and have made all the corrections. It’s ready to print. The ball is in Ryan’s court now.
It’s been a slow week. Not much going on at all. The 4th of July was sort of boring. I did yard work all day and then we all had dinner at Chris’s house. Which used to be Chris and Dave’s house, but Dave is gone to LA. I didn’t bother with fireworks. I think I’ve seen enough of those in my lifetime.
I’m listening to Romances by Mike Patton and Kaada this morning. I’m still not sure if I like this record. It has elements I really like, but it also suffers from a lot of Patton recycling himself. I have a Kaada record minus Patton called Music for Movie Bikers and I like that a lot more.
07.08.07 7:10pm
I just got home from Ryan’s house. The book goes off to the printers tomorrow. What that means in terms of having it in my hands I do not know. Ryan says depending on their work load it could be days or weeks. We won’t know until he talks to them tomorrow. I am very anxious to get this thing done and at the same time incredibly nervous to hear what people will inevitably have to say about it. I guess that’s the deal though. If you are brave enough to put yourself out there, you have to be prepared for peoples opinions.
I’m listening to the Children demo CD. Damn, Reno has some amazingly talented musicians.
07.09.07 8:47am
Didn’t get much sleep last night. Around 7pm or so the whole valley filled with smoke from all the fires in California. I couldn’t breath. I took some allergy medicine but it didn’t help much.
Josh is coming over tonight so we can start writing some music for this new band we’re forming. Haven’t found a drummer 100% just yet but we have options. It should be a fun project. The stuff I’ve written so far is nothing like Guns Down it’s heavier but still fast. It reminds me (in a very vague way) of early Melvin’s stuff. Josh wants to sing, so that will create a very different sound for the project.
Yesterday Ryan and I played some of the Guns Down songs with me on an acoustic and Ryan singing. It was fun. I still miss those songs and that band. Playing with Josh will help to fill some of that void.
This morning I’m listening to Conqueror, the newest Jesu album and reading some Maupassant. Not bad for a Monday.
07.10.07 7:30am
Josh came by the house last night and we started working on music for this new project. We came up with the better part of two songs that could be great. We need to iron out this drummer situation and get on a regular practice schedule. It really felt great to play music with at least one member of Guns Down. We already have chemistry and can sort of play off each other.
I have NameMeNoone practice tonight. I’m trying to book a show for us in late August but the few places I’ve tried so far are booked with pre-Burning Man stuff.
Listening to the Melvins, The Maggot this morning much to the dismay of my office mates.
2:54pm
Ryan spoke to the printer today and they are pretty backed up. My book won’t be printed until mid to late August. It’s kind of a bummer but it is what it is. I’ll be looking at September for a release show and maybe a short Fall/Winter tour.
I’ve got the self tilted Seemless album on this afternoon. I really dig this band.
07.11.07 8:00am
Well, like the neurotic fruit-cake I am instead of leaving the book alone and waiting for it to be printed, I re-wrote the ending to the first story. It’s a better ending so it worked out.
Writing to me is like a scab I can’t stop picking. I can’t leave it alone until it’s a nice purple scar. I’m sure I’ll continue to re-write these stories long after the book is in print and even once it’s out of print. Someone save me from myself.
I jammed with one of Ryan’s new roommates last night after NameMeNoone practice. His name’s Alex, he’s a guitarist who’s learning to play drums. I’m thinking about having him play drums with Josh and me. It was a little rough but there is a ton of potential. That kid has heart for days, and to me that counts for so much more than talent. I’ve played with incredibly talented musicians who had no heart and no drive and I’ll take heart every time.
I’ve got Mastodon, Blood Mountain on the stereo this morning. They are one the greatest bands of the last ten years.
07.12.07 7:30am
Had the first full band practice last night for the new project. It went pretty well. I think this is going to be a fun band. It’ll take some time to get it off the ground, but one we get Alex up to speed I think we’ll be able to come up with some great music.
I have Music by…the Schizopolitans on the speakers this morning. I love the fact that so many Reno bands can go head to head with the bigger bands. I listen to the iPod on shuffle pretty often and Reno bands hold their own against everything else in there. Reno really has some amazing music to offer.
07.13.07 1:36pm
They opened a Pita Pit near work. It’s so nice to be able to get good vegetarian food for lunch.
Standing in line at Pita Pit this afternoon trying to get my falafel and hummus pita I was behind the most annoying and indecisive man I’ve ever seen. The girl behind the counter asked him what he wanted on his pita, it took him at least two minutes to tell her he wanted lettuce and tomatoes. He hemmed and hawed asking her what other people put on their pitas. Then instead of saying “Yes I would like tomatoes.” he said “I guess so. Yeah, maybe. Well it would be OK.” I wanted him dead. I have no tolerance for people in a line who haven’t decided what they want. It’s a simple thing, stand off to the side make your decision and then get in line. And besides it’s a fucking sandwich, it can’t be that hard to know which foods you like and which you don’t.
We are having a funeral (of sorts) for my father in-law, Chris, tomorrow. Monday is the one year anniversary of his passing. My mother in-law wants me to read a poem I wrote about Chris. I’m not comfortable with the idea but I’ll do it for her.
I’ve got the Buzzcocks on the stereo this afternoon.
07.16.07 7:31am
This was a long weekend. Saturday we had a service and family get-together for the anniversary of my father in-law, Chris, passing away. It was a weird thing. Today is the actual anniversary, but because people have to work and my brother in-law lives in Las Vegas we had everything on Saturday. Des’s best friend and her husband came up from Bakersfield. I read a poem I wrote a few days after Chris died. It was very awkward. After we were done at the cemetery we went to my mother in-laws house and ate, hung out, talked about Chris. It was good for us I think. Everyone being there together and remembering Chris.
Sunday a big group of us went rafting down the Truckee River. We drove up near Squaw Valley and floated down the river for half the day. We got a late start and Des’s brother and his fiancée missed their plane back to Vegas. We had a good time, but even with a waterproof 45spf sun block on, I got burned to a crisp. I’m in pain today and I’m sure later this week I’ll be peeling. Lovely.
I’m listening to Morrissey, You are the Quarry this morning and drinking bottle after bottle of water to re-hydrate myself after cooking my flesh all day yesterday.
07.17.07 7:30am
I’ve had a tough couple of days. My sunburned shins are taking a turn for the worse. The burn is so deep I’m sure there will be damage to my tattoos. My ankles are swollen and walking is a chore. I’m in pain and there is really nothing to do but wait. On top of that there is another fire near my house and the smoke kept me up all night vomiting. I’m re-reading Bill Shields today to help me keep it all in perspective. If you’re not aware of Bill Shields, he is a Vietnam War Veteran who wrote some of the most honest and heart-wrenching prose about life after the war I’ve ever read. It was all released by Henry Rollins on 2.13.61 Publications. I have three volumes. Two of them are still available through 2.13.61.com for dirt cheap. Any time I feel like life is beating me, I read Bill Shields. His writing reminds me that things can always get worse and you have to fight through it and win. Reading Bill Shields reminds me of something Gene Simmons (Kiss) said once; “Any day above ground is a good day.”
I’m listening to Electric Masada, At the Mountains of Madness this morning and trying to look on the bright side.
07.18.07 3:31pm
Some days I surprise myself. I can really be an insensitive prick. A guy I work with today told me his wife ran off with another man and all his money. He’s kind of incompetent and by kind of I mean completely. When he told me his wife left him the first thing to pop into my head was “If you handled your relationship with your wife anything like you handle your job, then she should have left you.” Here’s where I surprised myself, nine times out of ten the first thing to pop into my head, comes out of my mouth. This time I bit my tongue and just said “Wow. That sucks.” I have such a hard time with sympathy. Most of the pain and suffering people go through is self-inflicted. How do feel sorry for someone who fucks themselves up?
Listening to Converge, You Fail Me this afternoon. It’s good hatin’ on humanity music.
07.20.07 12:44pm
I try to avoid political discussions at work. I find that not only am I in the minority because I don’t support the current administration but that most of the guys on the job site don’t know much. They have a Fox News perspective on the world at large. But today I talked to one of the cabinet installers and had a really good conversation. I didn’t agree with him on a lot of points but he knew what he talking about and was able to see both sides of the big picture. It was nice to be able to relate to someone here. It’s a rarity.
07.23.07 8:17am
It was a boring
weekend. Saturday I barely left the house. I just sat around playing
guitar and drums all day. Sunday Des and I went to my nephews 4th birthday.
That was OK. I like the kids, but some of the adults I could do without.
I’m getting pretty excited about this new band with Josh (ex-Guns
Down bassist and my nephew) and Alex Garcia. What started as a fast
punk project is morphing into a cool rock and roll/stoner rock sounding
thing. It’s still fast, but has some other elements too. It’ll
be a long road, but worth the trip. Alex is new to the drums and we
are playing in a tuning Josh isn’t familiar with. Might take us
a few months to be show worthy. We practice tonight and I am really
looking forward to it.
I’m gearing up for my book release show September 14th at Dharma Books on Arlington. It’s been a long time coming but Romance Novels & Ransom Notes will finally be out there and I can put it behind me.
I finished writing my first collection of poems today. It’s titled No Apologies. It’s about one hundred and fifty-five pages of poems I’ve written since this time last year. I assume it’ll be published sometime in late 2008 at the earliest. May even be 2009. Slander House has a full publishing schedule right now. I’ve decided not to worry about where my books fall on the publishing schedule. I’ll just keep writing and when Slander House is ready the books will be there.
I’m listening to The Birthday Party, Live 1981-82.
07.24.07 8:10am
Alex couldn’t jam last night so Josh came over to my house and we worked on some things. We combined a new riff I wrote yesterday with a song we started work on at the last practice session with Alex. After a few tweaks to the rhythm we came up with a really cool vibe. I don’t know what to call this band stylistically speaking. We have rock, punk, grind-core and metal influences all weaved together. It’s sounding really cool, it fits my personality and schizophrenic musical tastes.
After we jammed for awhile Josh and I watched the Making of Mastodon’s Blood Mountain DVD. That band inspires me to new heights. Every time I see them play I get a renewed drive to practice, practice, practice. I’m exhausted today because I was up till midnight or so playing guitar.
The new Prince CD comes out today and I am excited. I’m listening to Disc 3 of the Greatest Hits & B-Sides collection this morning in anticipation. If there’s a better bump and grind song than Erotic City I’ve never heard it.
07.25.07 2:00pm
I practiced with NameMeNoone last night. I think we are all losing interest in that band. I just don’t get the vibe that anyone (including me) is all that excited about playing those songs. Shows are too few and far between for us, and practices have been regulated to a once over of the current set and touching on some trouble spots.
I practice tonight with Alex and Josh. I am very excited about that project. Alex started getting some drum pointers from Chris (NameMeNoone drummer) and is already sounding tighter.
I picked up the new Prince CD yesterday. I don’t think I like it very much. There are some good songs on there, but no great ones. I’m a little let down. Oh well even the greatest of the greats has to have an off day.
I’ve been listening to Coliseum all day. They have a new album on the way and the three songs I have heard from it sound incredible.
07.26.07 8:08am
Josh, Alex and I are having a tough time getting this new band started. We had a very unproductive practice last night. I wrote a song Monday and couldn’t remember how to play it last night. I finally figured out after I got home. Timing is everything. I was playing the main riff backwards at practice. Alex has a lot of heart, but I think it’s going to be a long road with him behind the drum kit. He’s learning fast, but I’m impatient, always have been. Josh is settling in nicely with the new tuning and his pick playing is coming along too. It’s going to be slow. We are all playing out of our element and learning new things as we go.
I’m listening to Neurosis, Given to the Rising this morning and working on the Sound & Fury zine. No one has submitted anything for this issue. Issue III is going to be the All Jim Show. Fun.
07.27.07 8:15am
It’s payday. Good thing too, I’m flat broke. It’s been a rough week and I’m glad for the weekend. I’m feeling the blues pretty deep today. With Romance Novels & Ransom Notes and No Apologies both finished, I need to get working on something new. When I have work to do depression can’t touch me.
I have Robert Johnson’s King of the Delta Blues Singers, The Best of Leadbelly and James Blood Ulmer’s brilliant acoustic blues album Birthright on shuffle this morning.
3:57pm
I going down to Santa Cruz in late September to record a noise record with Fred Crusade. We had talked about doing collaboration by mail but I think face to face is the better way to go. I pretty excited about this trip.
Des booked our flight and room for New Orleans in October. I can’t wait for that trip.
07.30.07 9:02am
I had a good weekend. Saturday I played guitar all morning and then Des and I went to my great-niece’s birthday party all afternoon and into the evening. Sunday, Josh, Des and I went river rafting which was a blast. The raft Des and I were in flipped over right at the end of the trip and we’re a little bruised and battered.
We’re planning a camping trip for next weekend. I want to try and get as much fun into what’s left of the summer as I can. I wanted to spend the summer touring, but that didn’t work out so I’m just going to cram as much fun as I can into the time I have left this summer.
I’m listening to some instrumental tracks Jesse Phipps sent me for his new band. I’m going to go down tonight and try out as their singer.
07.31.07 7:41am
I went down to try out as the singer for Jesse’s new band last night. It was a lot fun. They are amazing players. The music is very technical math-metal which I’m not real fond of, but they are such great players it would be a challenge and I’m up for that. They’re still looking for a bassist and trying out some other singers. I’m going to go down later in the week and give it another go. I wasn’t satisfied with what I gave them last night. I tried too hard and blew my voice out early. Another guy was there last night trying out too, they didn’t seem to like him, but I thought he schooled me.
I’m listening to Open Hand’s You and Me this morning. Talk about your great musicians.
1:05pm
I’m feeling really anxious and jittery today. I get panic attacks sometimes, usually just before a bout with depression. The panic attacks are my early-warning system. The best thing for me on days like this is to avoid human contact as much as possible. I made the mistake of going to Pita Pit for lunch. It was very crowded and very loud. The girl who made my food was annoying. She made some snide comments about being vegetarian and then said something about falafel smelling bad. I wanted to choke her. It’s pretty easy for me lose my temper when I feel like this. I can get totally irrational. Best to hide in myself and push everyone away until it passes.
7 weeks to the
book release show.
9 weeks to Santa Cruz and making a record.
13 weeks New Orleans and adding another city to the “I’ve
been there” list.